So, one of the best ways to be successful on the famously endorsed lifestyle change plan that I'm following is to eat copious amounts of a certain vegetable soup recipe. And the reason you lose so much weight is because your food is propelled through your digestive tract like a BMW on the Autobahn. I live with and embrace the soup, because the only other way I have found to lose weight faster is by donating a pint of blood. However, the soup has profound effects on the interpersonal relationships with my friends, family, coworkers and fellow churchgoers. The ingredients are as follows:
Cabbage: thoroughly cleanses the stomach and intestines and may cause gas in some people
Onions: may produce gas and the flatulence associated with it
Garlic: Halitosis or bad body odor is one of the main side effects
Carrots: The pigment of carotenes makes your skin look orange, which is sometimes called Carotenemia
So, ultimately, the look I will achieve is a 5 foot tall, giant carrot with bad breath, who is skilled at finding public bathrooms, knows the cheapest toilet paper brand and can wear a large Pull-Up under a size 4 pair of pants
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